Dear Nic,

I miss you more now than I did last night. Up until this morning I had been able to reside with the open space where you are supposed to exist in my world. But it feels too painful today. Sharp. More apparent. I want to roll over and rest my head against your warm body while you play along on your iPad. It made everything feel ok. It made all the ugly stuff go away. I want to curl into you again but I cannot and I also can’t see how I will move forward without you here. Again, I’m in this place. Again, I am drowning. I do not want to swim. Carry me away. I will just drift here for the night and try to remember how you smelled; your warm body giving me permission to connect. Tomorrow I will keep my promises to you.